I HATE these types of blankets, but it seems as if every Latino I know LOVES them. They are fuzzy since they tend to be made out of a micro-plush polyester fiber where the fabric does not breathe (does not allow air in or out) capturing the heat your body generates and that is how it keeps you super warm. I am allergic to these fabrics. I need to be 10 feet away from them and just the sight of them drives me nuts. Yet, I bet, at least one in every two Latino households owns one.

Latinos LOVE invading your privacy by NOT giving you any. If you are using the bathroom you better lock the door because it is certain someone will come in to grab some tissue, brush their teeth, or ask you a question. Hellloooo???? Perhaps, this is done when you have a big family and share one bathroom, but even if you have two+ bathrooms it does not matter, someone is bound to walk-in. ADM, can they knock first? No. Once my aunt who was visiting the states and who I had not seen in years, walked in on me when I was ready to take a shower. In complete nudity I quickly tried to cover myself with the towel. Last time she saw me I was five!! Then she had the audacity to say, “Ay nena no te preocupes si yo tengo lo mismo que tu!”

If one more Latino tries to sell me an Herbalife product, I swear I am jumping out of my first floor window!

Latinos LOVE Pancay con syrup! Ain’t your momma Aunt Jemima?!

Latinos LOVE hot sauce. Hot Sauce is used in a wide capacity as that of ketchup. We add HOT SAUCE to everything!  And we mean EVERYTHING. We add hot sauce to pizza, soup, chips, rice, burritos, and just about anything edible—um, except that pervertido!

Latinos tend to be late to things or maybe it is just me. Is it? Latinos tend to be late to—you know, stuff. Then we use every excuse in the book (i.e., flat tire, mammogram, dentist appointment, traffic, accident on the highway, my dog died?). I once told a professor (I used to take the train to NY) that someone threw a body on the tracks! Well, that was the rumor. I had lied about the train being late all the time. This time the train was late so I went with the word on the street. I was semi-right. What’s your excuse?

Latinos tend to be trustworthy people (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). And since we are so kind we tend to think other people are just as congenial and genuine as us. BIG mistake! Just because we are nice and friendly does not mean everyone is exactly like us. We trust people frequently and at times too quickly. If you meet a Latino at the supermarket, store, salon, etc., and you say, “Wow, you look familiar, are you from around here?”, nine out of ten times I guarantee you they will respond with a, “Yes, I am. I live in 819 I shouldn’t be telling you Street, actually two blocks from here, make a left at the light, the blue house on the corner with the flag on the front porch, estas a la orden!” If I ain’t dying, I ain’t lying!

Latinos LOVE brooms. A broom has multiple uses for Latinos. We do NOT only use it to sweep, but also to:

• Knock something off the top shelf we cannot reach (via the broomstick).
• Use as a weapon! Don’t step on la Doñita’s basura when she’s sweeping if you don’t want a cocotaso!
• Kill rodents (Mice tremble before the presence of a broom, just FYI).

And last, but not least, to tell your upstairs neighbors to shut the hell up (i.e., when they’re too loud during any sexual activity or to warn the children upstairs to stop running and making noise when you’re trying to rest!). How do we do this? With the broomstick pounding on the ceiling, warning them to keep quiet before you take your arse upstairs and kick someone’s behind.

Latinos love being emotional.  What can I say?  We’re good people! Most of us have thin skin/a weak heart. We’re too kind! We love helping others, and we’re easily moved by heartwrenching stories.  Did I tell you my story on how I was abducted by cruel six-legged aliens that tortured and sodomized me, but I was rescued by a good Latino family who raised me, gave me a nice warm home to live in and put me through college? No?  That’s because it never happened, but I’m sure if I said that in a room filled with Latinos they would all start sobbing and they’ll tell me how proud they are of me turning out so well.

There’s a HUGE misconception about Latinos.  Latinos DO love to curse people out, not because we’re bad people, it is due to mean people hurting our feelings, and so, we react by being too emotional.  Don’t incriminate or judge us.  A hug would be nice.

We also tend to be overly grateful.  Ever helped out a Latino and he cried or thanked you about 1,000 times? Even if you get more out of the bargain than he does? That’s because we’re not used to people being nice to us (then they blame us for being emotionally responsive). When you do a good deed to a Latino, they may:

1. Cry;
2. Cook your favorite meal or take you out;
3. Thank you every time they see you and tell you how eternally grateful they are; or
4. All of the above.

You can give us a job recommendation, pay raise, help us out with a little cash, clean our car, and you can bet on your momma’s life that emotions will be shown.  While the random non-Latino person would say, “Gee thanks, that was nice of you.  Let me know if I can ever do anything for you.”  Not a Latino.  A Latino would make you his brother for life for looking out for him.  Also, when a boss or colleague demeans us we react angrily because we’re emotional beings. They’re the unprofessional ones for talking down to us.  All in all, we mean no harm. Really!  Don’t listen to the Latino myths.  We’re kind loving people who want the best for others and ourselves.  Forgive us for being human brute!

Wow, I have to say, this was one of my deepest and most meaningful blog posts ever.  Please excuse me, I need a moment *tear*tear*.

Photographer: Filomena Scalise/www.freedigitalphotos.net/

LATINOS love Mormons.  Why?  Because they are daring souls! Mormons walk around the deepest, meanest, hardcore streets of the ghetto that some gang members wouldn’t even DARE to set foot in. Mormons have a lot of heart and faith, we love and admire their bravery and mission.  It doesn’t hurt they’re kind of cute either. I have a Latina friend who has been in every religion you can imagine. I’m hoping every God/deity she has praised before is praying for her now. Every time I stumble upon her she believes something new and different and tries to convince me to convert.  She used to be a Catholic who became a Christian, then a Buddhist, until the Koran intrigued her, but then she started dating a Jew.  Not so long ago she became a Mormon, but it was a brief conversion.  I asked her why.  She said, “Ay mija, I liked this Mormon, he was so hot and I joined the church, but I quit, mira, y que he was saving himself for marriage!”

Pobrecita amiga mia, se quedo con las ganas de tener una experiencia religiosa!

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